blog

blog

Missing Me

Personal Narrative, Writer's Craft
Yesterday, this tweet touched me: "Amiri Baraka said that writers don't write because they want to, they do it because they have to. It's like breathing." That tweet broke my heart because it's true. And it's no longer true of me. All my life I wanted to be a writer. I always pushed it to the back, planned to cultivate it later, etc. But now, I miss that person - the writer who almost was. I'm in mourning about it. A friend of mine said it's probably a good thing - meaning maybe it's time for the writer to reemerge. I suppose. I just know a part of me is missing and I don't know how to get her back. Or when I can even really try.
Read More

On Being a Vessel

Personal Narrative, Spirituality, Temple Building
I was sleeping. I normally don't dream or at least don't usually have memories of dreams. This night was no different. It was maybe a year or so after my mother died. In any event, I was sleeping. Soundly. Suddenly, I woke up with this idea. It wasn't an idea I wanted to have. It wasn't an idea I had been mulling or chewing on. It was an idea that showed up, fully formed, in my consciousness. It demanded I wake up and write it down. [caption id="attachment_4150" align="alignright" width="225"] Footsteps at Palm Beach Shores[/caption] Efforts to ignore it and go back to sleep were wholly ineffective. It came with its own adrenaline rush and there was no pushing it off for the sake of shut eye. So there I…
Read More

Memories of Stuff

Personal Narrative
My dad was easygoing. He was one of those people who always said, "Don't give me gifts! Just be a good girl!" or "Just be happy." And he actually meant that. Stuff was cool, but peace was better. My mom on the other hand? She wanted STUFF. Flowers, jewelry, gadgets, whatever. Just make sure you got her STUFF. Preferably, wrapped goodies she could shake and pinch and guess about, then unwrap, ooh and ahh about.  Me being the (sometimes) good daughter, I'd shop, and wrap and give her stuff for Mother's Day. We'd also go have brunch somewhere that required reservations and stockings. Such was our tradition leading up to 2003. But that year, I wasn't feeling it. I called her up and suggested a movie instead, fully prepared for her…
Read More

Saying No to Say Yes

Personal Narrative, Spirituality, Temple Building
I don't know what the future holds. This is an amazing realization for someone who prides herself on being a planner. I remember being in my room, the summer before my freshman year in high school, with the brochure of graduation requirements. As a "rising" 9th grader, I plotted out all the courses I would take and when (including summer school to possibly get done early). I stuck pretty closely to that plan and graduated in the top 5 of 360 people. Still mad about that C in Clothing, but what can you do? Without going into my whole academic career and life events since then, let's just say I like to know what's next. Which brings us to where we are now, in this amazing and scary place. I…
Read More