nicole – Page 12 – cocostudio

March 1, 2015February 7, 2019

First Full Day

And so concludes the first full day of the Aspen Seminar. I’ve done a few group events over the years, but this one is the first one where such significant bonding occurs so quickly. We’ve had a few meals together and several hours of pointed conversation, and that’s been enough for individuals to connect while the whole group creates its own personality. It’s fascinating really.

Today’s session was on human nature. Our readings included Aristotle, Hobbs and Darwin. We discussed each text to understand what the authors said, whether or not we agree with their argument, and how we can apply the text to our leadership contexts.

At one point I talked about the importance of cultivating the potential inherent in each individual. My point echoed a key idea in Nichiren’s cherry, plum, peach, damson teaching. In brief, each plant is valuable in its own right, and need not strive to mask its uniqueness nor work to be like another plant in order to reach its full potential.

Our inquiry was essentially: what is the inherent quality of humans? Before a corrupting influence, who are we and how do we behave? The essence of the oak tree is contained within the acorn. An acorn is never going to be something else other than an oak tree, although circumstances can prevent it from growing or hamper it from reaching its full potential.

Your leadership style rests in part on what you believe to be true about human nature. Like Mencius, I believe humans are inherently good. The leader’s role, then, is recognizing the potential we each have, and cultivating it. Of course not everyone agrees with this, and again it’s the disagreement that makes the Conversation worthy to take place.

Today was a full day. Tomorrow, we meet again.

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Read the next post in the Aspen Seminar series.

February 28, 2015February 7, 2019

Opening

We just concluded the opening session of the seminar. We’ll be here another six days so there’s a lot in store. There are many brilliant thinkers here, and it’s going to be a challenge for me to step out of my listening stance to speak more. A lot of good insights arose in a very short time, and I can see how these readings and discussions will build on each other throughout the week.

We have two capable moderators in Jerald and David. Jerald led the opening reception and introductions while David facilitated the opening discussion. Although I’m not at liberty to report on who said what, I do want to share the question which framed our talk this evening: Why do people disagree? It’s a great question, and one which can frame many conversations across a range of topics.

True dialogue, which is not about debate or persuasion, but about understanding, gets at the heart of this. When you endeavor to dialogue with another, you work to peel away layers. To reveal values. To listen. To learn.

Sometimes you find that disagreements are based on different life experiences or values, language barriers or misunderstandings. In some cases, the disagreements might be quite minor and consensus close at hand. In the others, especially in the case of values, disagreement might be profound, with seemingly no resolution forthcoming.

As the eternal optimist, I believe that even in the case of divergent values, there is room for empathy and compassion. Across large institutions, governments, societies, groups can still find some common ground.

Our discussion was on An Agreement of the People. We spoke specifically about politics and civil law, power and property, but my mind was most interested in the idea of insider/outsider status.

How do we identify other insiders?
How do we treat outsiders and (how) can they come to be invited in?
What is the role of trust in the insider/outsider relationship?
If you extend trust to those on the outside, do you, in that very act, bring them inside?

Tomorrow is Session I: Human Nature. I had trouble with some of the readings because I disagreed with some of the fundamental arguments the authors presented. We don’t have to agree to contribute to the Great Conversation. And really, disagreement is what makes the Conversation worthy of having.

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Read the next post in the Aspen Seminar series.

February 28, 2015February 7, 2019

The Aspen Seminar

I’ve had two firsts today.

I. I just arrived in Colorado for my first visit to the state. I’m here for The Aspen Seminar on Leadership, Values and the Good Society. Things get underway this evening and I plan to document my experiences while I’m here.

II. I ate something called elk chili. I’d probably have called it stew rather than chili, but the important part here is the elk. I wanted something warm and filling, and while I don’t eat very much red meat, I felt adventurous. I give it a thumbs up. I enjoyed my small bowl and I think I’ll be satisfied for the next couple of hours.

The view from my window. Initial descent into Aspen, Colorado.

I’m looking forward the experience. There are 14 participants including me, and we have two facilitators.

We were assigned several readings, and we’re meeting together in Socratic seminar-styled discussions to reflect and make meaning from the texts.

We read everything from Aristotle’s Politics to the Declaration of Independence to King’s Letter from Birmingham City Jail.

Some of the readings stretched me a bit, and I had some fun talks with Blue about a few of them. I’m open to what is sure to be an interesting, enriching experience.

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Read the next post in the Aspen Seminar series.

February 26, 2015February 27, 2015

Goodbye 40. Hello 41.

On Mother’s Day I cried.

I felt anxious most of the day. Irritable. Off-kilter. But I wasn’t sure why. Late afternoon I sat with Blue and he held my hands until I could say. I truly didn’t know until the words flew out: “I’m not a mother.” I buried my face, hiding tears.

It felt strange to say. And really it was more that I felt in between. Displaced? Out of place? I dunno. I was coming to love his children, but who was I, really? Despite the growing relationship we all shared, there was no neat space for me. Not stepmom. Not stepmom-to-be. But there they were. And here I was. A lovely conundrum in the grand scheme of things, but one that confused my heart. Normally, I don’t look to commercial calendars for commentary on my life circumstances, but for once that Hallmark holiday hurt. The silence stung.

Blue reassured me with his warm brown eyes and a tight squeeze, but there wasn’t much he could say then. We were little more than two weeks away from his proposal and he didn’t give away his secret.

I learned a lot in that moment, and in many moments of my 40^th year. The lessons I signed up to master this lifetime have seemed to spiral each decade, although teachers and learning environments change as I do. One of the ways I move forward is by looking back and noting the wisdom I’ve gathered thus far. What follows is an admittedly incomplete accounting of my most recent trip around the sun.

Life’s victories and joys ebb and flow, not unlike the ocean.
You can be happy and content without being giddy.
You never step in the same river twice. You may get another chance at {insert thing here} but everything about it is different the next time. Including you.
Sometimes you expect what never comes, and get what you weren’t expecting.
Titles really do mean something. Act accordingly.
Watching and listening are active tasks and are best done with your whole heart.
Those who truly know you, understand.
Praise and encouragement are loving and effective motivators.
You can’t force change, although with clarity and warm persistence, you can influence your environment.
Human relationships are complicated. The best ones teach you something about yourself.

Here’s to another trip around the sun…

February 10, 2015February 7, 2019

Can putting down your smartphone make you smarter?

I often advocate for reflection. Turn off the 24-hour news cycle, read a book, journal, pray. Eliminate incessant noise so you can hear your own thoughts.

Reflection helps you make sense of that which has already transpired, and imagine and prepare for what is yet to come. It’s not time consuming to reflect, but it does require deliberate acts.

Research suggests that our brains need downtime and that people have some of their most creative ideas when they’re bored. ~Sherri Graslie for All Things Considered.

I’m not sure it’s always boredom, as many creatives report having great ideas when they are engaged in rote activities. The key, ultimately, is having the mental space available for something else.

iphone-37856_640 Sherri Graslie reports one way to clear the mental clutter is by putting down your smartphone. But what happens when the smartphone is out of your hands? That’s when the deliberateness I mentioned above comes into play. Will you spend the time on another device, or will you engage with the world differently?

Read or listen to Graslie’s piece here.

February 9, 2015February 7, 2019

Clement wins

I fancy myself a runner. Or a jogger, as the case may be. As a general rule, I save my miles for clement weather. Put simply, I do not run in the cold. Pish posh on the mildness of Georgia winters; you can let your chest wheeze for an after inhaling frigid air. There are exceptions to my no winter running rule, but more often than not, I hang up my running shoes in November, and pull them out again around March.

I spend the intervening months exercising with a DVD program. When I travel, I take it along. Unless I forget, which is the case at present. En route to the airport yesterday, I realized I packed everything I needed to do PiYo except the PiYo DVDs. Massive side eye to me.

There was no turning back at that point in the journey, and with my destination’s forecast promising sunshine and nice temps, I wondered if I might not run after all.

I’ll skip the part about why I didn’t run this morning, and jump right to the good news: I ran today! And it was challenging, and I had to stop often because of runner’s itch, which sucks. A lot. And blah blah blah, eventually, I hit my 2-mile goal! On a treadmill, no less.

Screen Shot 2015-02-09 at 9.27.47 PM

I’m already sore, which is not happy-making. But I am very pleased, which is! The first of spring remains my official target to resume a running regimen, but it’s nice to have unexpected wins.

[View the story “I Ran Today!” on Storify]

January 16, 2015

On Reading and Pondering Deeply

Second Sokkai Gakkai president Josei Toda urged young people to read good books and to ponder things deeply. Even though Toda died in 1958, this advice is relevant today and is great encouragement for everyone. And, in fact, is a way to stay youthful despite your physical age.

What makes a book “good” to begin with? Is it informative? Inspirational? Energizing? Does it make you see things differently? Laugh? Perhaps good books do all of these things. Perhaps something else entirely.

A good book enriches me. It nourishes me in some way. A good books speaks to me, even if it’s a psychological thriller with a love story at its center.

A good book is not only worth reading, it is worth rereading. You come to it again to unlock new lessons, discover new images, uncover subtle nuances. It may touch you differently because of who you are this year, or what happened to you last season. Or because you’re finally ready to deal with that twenty-year old trauma. But sometimes you just want to check in on your favorite characters and reminisce about old times.

As for pondering deeply, many refuse ponder at all, much less deeply. Social media platforms are filled with incoherent ramblings from knee-jerk reactions to hearsay. Some who claim to have researched a hot-button issue have limited their reading to the title of click-bait, which is designed to be sensational rather than informative.

Pondering is slow. Much slower than the skim-swipe-share culture of today. It requires one to engage with one’s brain and with a variety of ideas.

Pondering is dialogue, not declaration.

It is inquiry rather than assumption.

It is research and reflection, not regurgitation.

I wonder if in 2015 we can slow down, read good books and ponder things deeply. Let’s engage each other in conversations (on social media and in real life) grounded in wisdom, thoughtfulness, and respect for diverse views.

January 9, 2015February 7, 2019

Free Your Mind Friday

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7iQbBbMAFE?rel=0]

“Why oh why must it be this way
Before you can read me you gotta
Learn how to see me, I said
Free your mind and the rest will follow”

This song is on repeat in my brain.

I can’t point to a reason why, but I’ve found myself thinking, saying and writing free your mind all this week. Maybe it’s because I’m reading Assata. Or because I’m being more intentional about nurturing my passion. Perhaps it’s a divine message requiring meditation and integration because I’ve spend too much time thinking inside the box.

Sometimes think boxes are okay. They’re predictable. Comfortable. You know the boundaries. You understand the rules. But I’ve always been a tad bit claustrophobic, and if we’re being honest, comfort doesn’t alway suit me. Thinking through new ideas, adopting new ways of being – these things are energizing and inspiring.

Freeing.

I’m releasing or refining habits and practices I’ve outgrown and adopting new ones. I’m continuing my daily writing through journals and morning pages, and trying out a new approach to storytelling. I abandoned plyometrics for the winter and tried a new combination of yoga and Pilates to challenge my body in new ways. These and other things I’m doing in an effort to truly build my temple, evolve, and be free.

My Whiskey, Wine & Moonshine co-hosts and I had an interesting conversation about self-checks and the power of habit. As we enter week 2 of 2015, what are some projects you’re embracing? What are you discarding? How do you know when it’s time to release and refresh?

Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

January 1, 2015February 7, 2019

What is your heart’s true desire?

Pele, a Hawaiian goddess of volcanoes, “shows us that fire can purify, release us from the old to make way for the new, and ignite our passions.” I pulled this goddess card just before the new year. It was divine timing as the cold days of winter are the perfect time to consider what warmth we can create and incorporate into our daily lives. Pele suggests a few things to get your life in alignment with your heart:

Make sure your career matches your true interests
Take a class or start a hobby that really excites you
Change jobs
Go on a wonderful trip
Invest time and money in manifesting your dreams
Give yourself permission to go for it
Start a new business
Make an honest assessment of how you spend your time
List your priorities

Every so often, I ask myself how I want to feel or what I want to accomplish. Those moments of clarity are sometimes breathtaking, pushing me to reassess the choices I make on a daily basis. Why would I make choices that hinder or even sabotage my desires. Is it fear? Disbelief in my ability? Perhaps I don’t really want to do/accomplish {fill in the blank}.

I allow myself a short while to consider, but not wallow in these ideas, and then I make a new set of decisions to break through the deadlock. As we begin the new year, I am embracing the vigor and enthusiasm that come with exploring and cultivating my passion. I’m excited.

Given your true desires, do you use your time wisely? Are you clear about what’s important to you? Is there something new you want to learn this year? How will you fire up your life in 2015?

December 31, 2014May 25, 2019

Winding down and firing up

Wrote Zora Neale Hurston, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” There are also years that break your heart and years that fill them. And some years are simply a rollercoaster of questions, answers, exclamations, proclamations, numbness, anger, heartache and love.

10801508_10152880868100798_5545174428645282099_n — The kiddos, Blue and me. #blendedfamily

2014 was one of those years.

It bore witness the passing of beloved icons, the reclamation of beauty, horrific brutality and engaging art. Just everything. In the midst of the collective tragedies and celebrations, I enjoyed my own milestones and joy-filled events.

This year flew by. They say the older you get, the more quickly time seems to pass. I’m not sure when or if the trend reverses, but I do know I’m finding it difficult to grasp the end of this calendar year and the beginning of the next.

Compared to the recent past, I’ve probably spent the least amount of time on social media this year. I’ve blogged a little less, tweeted a lot less, and at various intervals, I removed Facebook from my phone entirely. That said, for my 40^th birthday, I merged my old domain name and my blog into a new virtual space. A few folks stopped by and took a look around. Some posts resonated:

In one, I weave my wedding story with my daddy’s memorial.
In another, I challenge critics to be more discerning – more critical, in fact – of artifacts presented on the Internet.
In the third most popular post of the year, Tayari invited me to share a little bit about my writing process.

A couple of entries from my older blog made the rounds as well. Folks liked reading about being powerful and feminine (yes, simultaneously), wearing dresses, and FAMU president Dr. Elmira Mangum’s contract battle.

10366286_10153000978792780_6992355837704246348_n As we go into the new year I’m re-imagining this space and the stories I want to tell here. In truth, I’ll always do that. What is living, really, if it doesn’t include evolution, revolution, growth, change?

In many respects, 2014 was a foundational year for me. But current events have me in feisty, fiery mood. Not angry, but more awake. Spirited. Inspired. Quite honestly, I’m looking forward to the fireworks.

I’m wishing you a year of evolution, righteous victory and overwhelming joy.