Lupus: Marla’s Story. Part 1.

“Join Marla in the Fight Against Lupus.”

Late last month, I checked email to find this subject line topping my inbox. I’ve known Marla, a slim, vibrant beauty from Chicago, since college. She’s always been stylish in her size zero clothes, a graceful stride in striking heels or casual kicks. Perhaps it’s the dancer in her, she’s regal, shoulders back, long neck, even when frowning about some injustice. Whether in locks or a full ‘fro, her hairdo compliments her warm countenance.

Marla & me at Dina's wedding, 2011.
Marla (left) & me at Dina’s wedding, 2011.

From the mid-90s until two years ago when we saw each other at a soror’s wedding, this was my enduring image of her. In 2011, she hadn’t changed a bit. And even though her life is dramatically different now in 2013, much about her is still the same.

At 38 she is still warm, she is still vibrant, and now she is living with lupus.

Marla agreed to share a bit about her story, as there are still many people who know little to nothing about lupus. Rather than summarize or paraphrase, I’m using Marla’s own words here (quoted and in red). It’s her story, after all. I want her to tell it.

I began by asking her to define lupus:

Our immune system is supposed to create antibodies that protect our bodies from viruses, bacteria, germs, etc.  Lupus is an autoimmune disease. This means that my immune system can’t tell the difference between the bad stuff and the good stuff. So it creates antibodies that also attack and destroy healthy tissue.  Lupus can affect the skin, joints and damage major organs (kidneys, heart, lungs) by causing inflammation and pain.

It’s somewhat simple to describe what lupus is, but discovering you actually have it is another matter entirely. In 2012, I remembered receiving a text from Tavares, a mutual friend of ours. Marla had been in the hospital for days by then, but no one could say why. I ventured a phone call to see if she was up for a quick hello. Her voice was weak – practically a whisper.  It was disconcerting to hear her that way. Ages passed before doctors put the pieces together and made the diagnosis. Marla describes this period as the scariest time of her life:

It was early January 2012, I got sick with what I thought was the stomach flu.  I was having really bad stomach pains, fever, fatigue.  This lasted for about four days with no reprieve.  After the  fourth day, I started to have chest pains and difficulty breathing.  It was at that time that I decided to go to the ER. 

I was seriously dehydrated because I hadn’t eaten anything during those four days.  My blood pressure was really low and my heart rate was really high.  They ended up giving my about 19 liters of fluid and I gained 20 pounds from that alone.  I was first in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for about two days.  They found out nothing was wrong with my heart, so I was sent to the regular area.  Over the next 11 days, I was tested for everything under the sun.  I had biopsies on my skin and lymph nodes.  I had innumerable CT scans and x-rays.  I had a colonoscopy.  They could not figure out what was wrong. 

Looking back, I can see that things were happening that I didn’t see as symptoms, but just as health issues.  I would get my regular physical every year.  Maybe starting in mid 2009, my blood test started to show that my white blood cell count was low.  After retesting a couple of times and getting the same results, in mid to late 2010, my doctor referred me to a hematologist.  More blood tests. 

One of the tests is called an ANA test.  It isn’t a definitive test for lupus – there isn’t one – but it can show that someone can be predisposed to it.  I tested positive.  I retested and it came back positive. 

At this time, my doctor referred me to see a rheumatologist.  Because I wasn’t having any symptoms of lupus, I would see her every 3 months just for testing (throughout 2011).  White blood cell count was always low and I would always test positive on the ANA test.  They wanted to start me on medication, but I was like, why would I do that, I’m not having any symptoms?  Also, in 2010 I started having these pains on both sides of my body right under arms, and after seeing my doctor and not knowing what was going on, she referred me to a pulmonologist (lung doctor). 

He thought it could have been caused by leftover scar tissue from pneumonia (hadn’t had it).  We did a biopsy on my lung and nothing was conclusive.  These pains remained off and on through most of 2011.  So, I guess there were signs but I just didn’t know it.  While I was in the hospital in 2012, I made all of this aware to my doctors.  And after them finding nothing else, my final diagnosis was lupus. 

Marla shared more of her story, including how her life has changed since her diagnosis, some of her favorite resources, and encouragement for others living with lupus. Read the second installment here. Marla’s walk is October 19. Please click here to find out more.

Top posts for September

Here are the top posts from last month’s 30in30 challenge:

September is my mom’s birth month. She was on my mind, and subsequently, on my blog. Early in the month, I wrote about the Barnes and Noble she never had the chance to enjoy. Later, on her birthday, I shared a co-worker’s wisdom about mothers and grief. In short, losing a mother can leave you broken-hearted, even a decade later.

I talked about vulnerability and learning to be “intentionally transparent” with the one you love. Easy to want, but often hard to do. It boils down to being honest with yourself first. That level of honesty and clarity about myself and my needs is at the root of an emotional wellness strategy I learned in September.

Emotional wellness is important, but wellness extends to many domains. In honor of National Women’s Health & Fitness day, I wrote about prioritzing physical wellness in the face of a busy lifestyle.

Last month, Diana Nyad made history, and she endures as a testament to dreaming big, and never giving up. It is with that spirit that I welcome October. I’m revising and devising my goals and striving forward each day. I wish the same for you.

Last, but not least

I debated yesterday and today about what kind of entry I would write for my last 30in30 this month. I wondered if it would be a roundup of the top posts of the month. I considered featuring my favorite posts. I pondered whether or not to share my my girlfriend’s story about lupus (spoiler alert: coming soon).

Today during dinner, there were unexpected fireworks. I thought about posting that story, including the fact that several patrons ran out onto the balcony just to witness the display.  We all clapped at the finale.

But the truth is, I’m sleepy. It’s past my bedtime and I’m just happy I made it through another challenge. As always, I learned a lot about myself and my life during the past 30 days. I’m in a completely different place than I was during the last challenge this March. I’ve moved and I’m acclimating to a different way of life. The promise of new employment came and went. I’ve gotten my running mojo back. Surprising story ideas are brewing. And I’ve made small but significant strides in my professional life.

Lots going on. And in the middle of it all, I wrote one post every day for the past 30 days. For the time being, I’m planning to pull back a bit. I want to try something new…

My goal is to write one post per week. These may be more developed than my previous posts. Not sure yet. I like the discipline of a regular schedule, but every day isn’t sustainable. So this is a compromise I’m trying out.

We’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime, do you have any topics you’d like me to write about? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Last, but not least: Congratulations to me!

Knowing that to give up is to be defeated by oneself, continue single-mindedly to take small but significant steps in the shaping of your destiny. ~Daisaku Ikeda

Great arms, nice donk, and other reasons to lift

I wrote about prioritizing fitness for National Women’s Health & Fitness Day earlier this month. One commenter, fellow FAMUan Peter McKay, suggested I do some posts focused on strength training. It’s something I’ve done off and on over the years. More on as of late.

I’m not the kind of person who enjoys going to the gym use the machines or free weights, but I found a total body barbell-based program that includeds choreographed reps with upbeat music. I believe there are way too many fitness options to force yourself into doing exercises you don’t like. The program I found was a perfect fit for me.

I’m not an exercise scientist, nor a fitness trainer. I am, however, a few months away from 40 and in pretty decent shape. I lift (in addition to running and dancing) because I like the results.

Here are 8 reasons I lift weights:

  1. New acquaintances compliment my arms. They’re not chiseled, but they are toned. I like them.
  2. I feel myself get stronger each session. Who doesn’t love progress?
  3. My energy is high all day long.
  4. Some say I look like a dancer. My core is stronger and my posture is more erect.
  5. I have more power during my runs.
  6. Thanks to squats, my donk looks nice in jeans.
  7. I imagine myself to be a warrior goddess when I clean and press.
  8. I feel sexy when I’m strong. Don’t you?

She was right.

“I’m so sorry.”

The chocolate brown woman shook her head as she embraced me, the two of us in the nearly empty corridor.  It was August, the beginning of the school year. It was my first time seeing Mrs. Jackson, a long-term substitute at the elementary school where I worked. My had mother died unexpectedly just before the last days of school the previous year, so coworkers who saw me still offered condolences.

“It’s been ten years since my mom died. You never get over it,” she said to my cheek. I nodded as we pulled away, not sure how to take her news.

Today is my mom’s birthday. It was ten years this May.

She was right.

===============================================

Mama’s voicemail sounded an alarm. “I’m not feeling well. Call me back.” I returned her call right away. No answer. Heart pounding, eyebrows raised, I left a message in return, chiding her for scaring me by leaving mysterious messages and then refusing to answer the phone. In my nearly 30 years of life, I’d never heard her say anything so ominous.

(Author’s note: This website is now defunct).

 

Thankful Thursday

The past several Thursdays, I’ve seen Anika tweet simple gratitudes. As I was sitting here admiring today’s gorgeous weather, I thought it might be nice to do a couple.

  • After days of clouds and rain, I’m overjoyed about the sunshine, and thankful I can enjoy it.
  • I was able to run this morning and witness the dawning of a new day. I’m thankful for my good health.
  • She’s on my mind a lot because her birthday is tomorrow…I’m thankful for my mom, RIP.
  • I’m happy for  the chance to reflect upon and learn from past choices. I’m thankful for evolution.
  • I’m thankful for friendships that endure time and space.
  • I’m thankful for vulnerability and love.

Your turn! What are you thankful for today?

Make it non-negotiable

Today is National Women’s Health & Fitness Day. People who have met me via social media and in real life, know I make #templebuilding a priority. The days I get up and exercise in the morning are the days I’m off to a fabulous start. But there was a time when that wasn’t the case.

I’m a self-described athlete. I ran and biked like most kids in my neighborhood growing up. I was a gymnast in elementary school.  A cheerleader in middle school. I danced (band auxiliary) and sprinted (varsity track) in high school.

I engaged in fewer structured activities in college, although I danced (partied) several hours a week which definitely counts for something. After college I had an on again, off again love affair with local gyms.  I stocked up on exercise DVDs for the off again moments. Even as an elementary school teacher, I woke up early enough to exercise, chant, drive 30 minutes and still get to work by 7 a.m. I prioritized prayer, sleep, laughter, water and movement. They kept me in good spirits and good health.

When I became a full time doctoral student in 2007, things changed. I found myself a recluse when class wasn’t in session. All the time I read and wrote papers, thought about theory, drank coffee and ate McDonald’s. Seriously. All the time.

Me: May 28, 2012 after exercising at home.
Me: May 28, 2012 after exercising at home.

A few months in, the side effects from that “food” and the disgust from Super Size Me, spurred me to choose healthier meals.

(Sidebar: I didn’t eat fast food for a year after that, and with the exception of two iced coffees in 2007, I’ve never consumed McDonald’s again). I was no longer exercising, because who had the time? But I knew my body was ready to move again.

Despite my desire to exercise, it was a struggle at first.  I had to force myself to stop reading or writing to go for a walk or a short run. I argued with myself – one more page, or one more paragraph. Then another. I’d panic as I watched the setting sun, realizing it was now or never.  I’d throw on some fitness gear and get moving.

That happened many times, until:

  • I realized I always felt better after exercise, and
  • I scheduled it. I made it non-negotiable.

The very first time I put an exercise appointment on my calendar, my dissertation advisor wanted a meeting. I had to break it to her, “No, I’m not available at that time. I’m exercising then.” She, a woman very much into self-care, supported me and offered several other times even with her busy schedule. I understood then, to the degree I was serious about taking care of myself, I could figure out the rest.

And so I set my exercise schedule daily. I incorporated strength training, swim lessons, and running, all depending on my class and homework schedule. I treated exercise like any other important appointment. I was definitely going to attend, so I had to plan the rest of my day around it.

Over time it has become less of an appointment and more of a way of life. Sometimes this means running on treadmills when I’d rather be outside. Sometimes it means a 15-minute high intensity interval workout instead an hour of strength or cardio. Sometimes it means evening workouts although I definitely prefer sunrise exercise.

The point is, I’ve made it a part of my regular routine. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

Happy temple building!

On clarity and sabotage

This has been a year of transition.  Every season thus far has boasted some sort of change, and that remains true with the advent of fall. Recent professional shifts have left me considering next steps, which, in many ways, will be a return to previous steps. As I checked in with self about my current professional path, the thought above came to me.

When I say “supposed to be doing” I don’t mean according to some external metric.  These days it’s easy to be swayed by the expectations of Big Brother. We’re a surveillance-happy society, wherein we’ve virtually relinquished self-control and self-expression in favor of conformity via the policing of bodies and thoughts by peers, or nonconformity and the punishment industry. So no, I don’t mean what someone else thinks I’m supposed to be doing.

I mean the thing or things I truly desire deep down. The things I feel pulled toward when I am otherwise occupied. Over the years, that pull hasn’t been very strong, so I put plans on the back burner. Eventually I’ll get to this, that, or the other thing. But I have new goals and new plans to meet these goals, and right now daily life isn’t in alignment. In a moment of stillness, I felt that pull.

To the degree that I am clear on my desires, and my mission in life, my bouts of self-sabotage become more difficult to sustain.

It’s time to get in sync.

This is not a review of iOS 7

Generally speaking, I’m a late early adopter. This basically means you won’t catch me standing in line or logging in at midnight to get new hardware or software on launch day. But it also means I won’t be joining MySpace while the whole world (except musicians) has migrated to Facebook.

I wait to hear how things are going. I also wait for at least one round of updates for bugs that weren’t discovered or resolved during beta testing or public release. Then I decide if the latest {insert gadget or app here} is for me.

So I’m sort of surprised that I’m sitting here with iOS 7 on my iPhone right now. Not sure what made me go ahead and update, but I did. This is not a review, but I will say I like it. I don’t love it, but it’s cool. Siri seems smarter, more responsive than the previous OS. You can also decide if you want Siri to be a her or a him. I tried male Siri, but he got on my nerves.

I like the fact that it’s easier to close apps running in the background. Just a double-click and flick. Email feels faster, and I’ve deleted my flashlight app since they’ve added one to the OS. Just swipe up from the lock screen, and there it is, along with a few other utilities you probably use regularly.

I’m not really sold on the visual appeal. It reminds me of the new Gmail look, of which I’m not a fan either. I suppose I’ll get used to it soon enough.  And wow, just now I randomly opened Photos. Now THAT is an update I can get behind. Beautiful organization!

Even though I’m telling you all of these things, this is not a review! I’m writing to point you to a resource I found last night.

If you have, or plan to get iOS 7 any time soon, check out this post from Business Insider. It lists 19 tips to maximize your user experience. A few of these are helpful or interesting, at least. My favorite one is the first one: swipe your texts from right to left to see what time they were sent. Take a look at the tips and let me know which one is your fave.

Are you an early or late adopter? Are you on iOS 7? Why or why not? Tell me your story in the comments.