Author: nicole

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From silence to action

One of the insidious things about rape culture is silence. Survivors of sexual assault remain silent, fearing retribution, shunning or disbelief. Community members remain silent unsure of how to respond. Is she lying? Is {insert celebrity or well-liked neighbor here} the type of person who would do something like that? The perpetrator is often silent. Sometimes because he scarcely believes he is guilty, or perhaps to keep a low profile in preparation for the next victim.

But just as there is silence, there is often sound. We hear the voices of perpetrators, maintaining innocence in some cases; claiming she deserved it in others. Voices of community members who support the offender and/or berate the survivor. Voices of advocates who offer comfort, righteous indignation and activism for survivors.

And sometimes we hear the voices of survivors, telling their own stories and demanding to be acknowledged. They do it for legal reasons. To agitate. For peace of mind. Or in the case of Tamara Green, to lend credibility to another survivor:

A lawyer told me I would be crazy to come out after 20 years and accuse him [Bill Cosby]. But I waited and waited to see who would back this girl up, and nobody else would. The Cosby team started smearing her, making her seem petty and loose and cheap.

I saw how nobody believed her. She had trusted him, and he had drugged her and then assaulted her, just like what happened to me. I saw that nobody was going to take him on, so I felt like it was my duty to risk my neck and stand [up] for all the other women who’ve been assaulted by him.

Read the Newsweek interview here.

Suggested reading: The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action by Audre Lorde. 

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Restoration in CPS

I’ve been reading, writing, thinking about schools as sites of love. Nationwide, districts are moving toward less punitive and more restorative approaches to school discipline. This shift comes at a time when the civil rights arms of the Department of Education and Department of Justice released guidance to districts about minimizing discriminatory and exclusionary discipline policies.

I’ve read comments complaining that humane approaches to discipline means ignoring misbehavior and allowing classrooms to deteriorate into chaos. This does not reflect the reality of schools that work to improve their climates nor the students and communities who are positively impacted by the changes.

Moving away from zero tolerance and other harsh discipline codes requires a multi-pronged approach including:

  • supporting teachers with classroom management,
  • helping faculty and staff unpack racial and ethnic stereotypes,
  • eliminating zero-tolerance policies which by definition ignore context and mediation,
  • regularly reviewing discipline policies for alignment with student achievement goals and common sense
  • reviewing discipline records for consistent application of policies
  • decriminalizing simple student misbehavior
  • devising thoughtful approaches to correct and redirect unwanted behaviors

Late last week, the Chicago Tribune published this piece about Chicago Public Schools (CPS) working toward restoration.

“Chicago Public Schools has one of the highest suspension and expulsion rates and the disproportionate use of suspensions,” {District chief} Byrd-Bennett said. “We are going to reverse that trend.”

Efforts are underway to collaborate with the privately run charter schools within the district, but challenges may be ahead:

The city’s charter schools have been criticized for pushing out troubled children with harsh discipline policies and fines. Charter leaders have maintained that tougher discipline has led to safer schools.

The Illinois Network of Charter Schools said in a written statement that it takes “very seriously” the use of appropriate discipline, and looks forward to collaborating with CPS to examine the issue. 

“Chicago charter public schools have a history of adopting proven and innovative approaches to creating a school culture that works to avoid the most punitive responses to behavior issues,” the statement said.

As I read this, I’m wondering about the relationship between “tougher discipline” and “innovative approaches” that “avoid the most punitive responses to behavior issues.” Tough is associated with punitive and retributive, not restorative.

Read the piece in full here.

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Fibroids and Mojo

So I’m getting my mojo back!

I woke up this morning and felt high on endorphins even though I had only a few hours of sleep and no exercise. Over the past few weeks, I’ve felt more and more myself.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been seeing an acupuncturist as a first line of treatment for my fibroids. Dr. Liu is a trained medical doctor who learned Chinese medicine later. She aims to help the body achieve optimum health with the belief that it will then be able to dissolve the fibroids. She’s had a lot of success with patients, and although there are no guarantees, I can definitely say I’m feeling better than I have in months. That is a huge win.

In addition to my higher energy levels, my insides no longer feel twisty, and I can breathe normally (all month long) in everything from dresses to jeans to yoga pants. Blue says I look more “sleek,” and because I feel it, I walk it, too. #hotmama

Welcome back mojo! I missed you!

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One Night Only

Thursday I wrote about National Wear Red Day, an initiative to raise awareness for American Heart Month. Later that evening, the American Heart Association’s hosted the annual Heart Truth Red Dress Collection fashion show.

Held in conjunction with national sponsor Macy’s, the event promised a star-studded catwalk. Celebs would include Gina Torres, Kat Graham, Alicia Quarles, and Anika Noni Rose. Anika asked me to tune in if I could. I did, so I did.

The fashion show, streamed online, began fashionably late. The women sported gorgeous designer gowns, some of them strutting, dancing, and bouncing down the runway.

Although the online stream played some strange techno mix, I later discovered the live audience was treated to upbeat songs. Anika shimmied and sashayed to Dreamgirls hit One Night Only. I’ll admit bias, but she was my favorite with Bella Thorne not too far behind.

As some of the women appeared on the catwalk, messages projected behind them. The sayings included their names, their featured designer, and why they walk. I walk to empower women, for instance. Later on in the evening, Anika shared why she walks:

That was very sweet, and completely unexpected. Sending love to my mother, to Anika, and to everyone impacted by heart disease.

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Go Red For Women

Screen Shot 2014-02-06 at 4.43.53 PMOctober is Breast Cancer Awareness month and it’s all pink all the time. Everything from your favorite football player to your favorite Yoplait can be spotted with a splash of pink.

Despite the importance of cancer awareness initiatives, it’s worth noting that heart disease is the number one killer of women. My mother is in that number. Over 10 years ago, she went to the emergency room complaining of chest pains and never made it home.

The official cause of death was a brain hemorrhage, which was an unfortunate complication of her heart attack. Although she’d been slowly working to reclaim her fitness, lower her cholesterol and free herself of nicotine, time wasn’t on her side. She died a few months before her 60th birthday.

February is best known for Valentine’s Day, but it’s also American Heart Month. February 7, 2014 is National Wear Red Day. Are you and your loved ones doing what you can to get heart healthy or stay that way?

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Who wears the pants?

For most of my adult life, I felt my best wearing jeans. Baggy jeans, fitted jeans, funky jeans. I loved them all. Once I entered the working world and jeans were only okay on Fridays, I still wore pants the majority of the time. From khakis to pants suits, I looked and felt great in pants.

Even when I dressed up, I often wore pants.
Even when I dressed up, I often wore pants.

But one summer, I went to Paris. In preparation, I bought lots of clothes I felt would be comfortable for traveling to and fro and walking the city streets. There wasn’t a dress in the bunch.

It was a family trip – the girl cousins on my dad’s side went. We each brought a large suitcase for the week-long affair. Well, six of us did. The seventh managed to pack everything for the trip in a single carry-on!

We eyed the bag suspiciously, wondering what she brought or what kind of magic rolling she did with her gear. But as the days wore on, it was apparent she brought plenty of clothes, including multiple changes per day.

What was her secret, we wondered.

Dresses!

I took note, and filed it away. Unbeknownst to anyone else, I returned to Georgia and promptly went shopping. Two months later when we gathered again – this time for a family reunion – I traveled a lot lighter. I had dresses! Cousin Big Sister had come to the same revelation, and she also dressed and packed accordingly. Cool, comfortable, flattering, dresses. I loved them, and I loved me in them. I felt free. Sexy.

How did I waste so much time in pants?

Me and one of my newly discovered cousins at the family reunion.
Me at the family reunion wearing a dress! (Hi cousin Shaunda!)

That was 2009. Fast forward to 2014. I’m experiencing my first real winter in years and I don’t have the dresses to match! As the temperatures began to drop, I returned to my trousers. I’ve been wearing jeans and pants the past few weeks and they feel foreign on my body.

Just yesterday I wore slacks – formerly my favorite pair – and the whole day I felt a little off.

I think it’s time to do a little shopping. My birthday is just around the corner…

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Beauty treatment

Take time to stop and smell the roses.

It’s an old sentiment, but one I’m thinking about as I fly home. I’m above the clouds now, and over my shoulder I spy the warming tones of the setting sun.

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The sight made me want for Florida at first. But on second thought, what I’m missing is beauty. Winter’s cloudy, chilly mornings have kept me indoors on days I’d rather run.

Running outdoors is my meditation. My journal. It’s high fives to the rabbits who line the greenway, and smiles to the rising sun. It’s awe with flowers blooming in spring, leaves turning in autumn. It’s deep breaths in time with my feet – percussion behind a chorus of birds.

It’s been a while.

Sometimes my entire work day is spent in the bowels of a school. Cinder blocks obstruct the sun and the evergreens right along with cell service. “I’m in a bunker today,” I tell Blue.

The moments left before sunset are spent navigating Atlanta’s traffic. If you wait too late to hit 400 from 285, you might as well stay put another hour or two.

Despite an uncooperative schedule, it’s easy enough to experience beauty.

Seek and ye shall find.

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Texas free write

I’m in Texas where they say everything is bigger.
I’m not sure about bigger, but certainly different is accurate.

I entered my hotel and spotted a poster screaming dire warnings about firearms and imprisonment and fines not to exceed $10,000.
I’ve stayed in lots of hotels. Never seen such a sign.
The last time I hoteled in Texas was in the 80s. Maybe they didn’t have those loud posters then.

I got punked by four interchanges in the first 15 minutes of my drive this evening. I’m working in the cut, the boondocks, bumble—-, etc. Apparently you have to really be quick at the wheel to make it to the middle of nowhere.

Driving an hour to the middle of nowhere, I noticed a recurring sign: Crossover 1/4 mile.
In Georgia, if you’re driving long stretches in semi-rural areas, good luck if you need to make a U-turn. The median is often blocked with silver railings. Sometimes there are ditches or otherwise treacherous patches land in the middle. Occasional signs announce that this turn around is for official use only. And if you’re desperate to go in the other direction, you might try and sneak a turn, but then you see the blue lights in your rearview.

So I’ve heard.

But in Texas, maybe they know that sometimes you go the wrong way. Or you miss your turn. Or you leave something behind that you need to go get. And in a mere quarter of a mile, you can crossover and try again.

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Sky chat

I’m on a plane this afternoon. Right now, as I type, we’re over 10,000 feet in the air. I know because that glorious beep lets us know it’s safe to turn on our computers. And thanks to recent advances in technology, it also means we can connect to wifi.

This flight is longer than my usual hour-long hops. I’m catching up on sleep and email, reviewing some draft blog posts and chatting with Blue. We kick around many ideas via Gchat and other apps in a given day, and today we started to mull how much things have changed. When we were born, no one was chatting with their SO from a plane. Not even 10 years ago.

The other day I was purging one of my closets and I laughed about the range of technology in my house. I found everything from Zip Disks to cassette tapes, neither of which has been out of popular use that long if you really think about it.

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Philip Hall and other loves

Judy Blume holds a place of honor in my childhood. She was far and away my favorite author, and if I didn’t read all of her books growing up, it wasn’t from lack of effort.

Although she was firmly number one, I loved many books by many writers. Philip Hall Likes Me. I Reckon Maybe. Danny, the Champion of the World and Cheaper by the Dozen, were among the novels I read countless times. Some of my favorites still grace my bookshelves even now – either the original copies I read growing up, or new copies I bought as an elementary school teacher.

My most cherished memories of teaching 4th grade include reading great books aloud to my students, engaging them in novel studies, or helping them make their way through their first truly satisfying reads. I just love young adult and juvenile literature.

After I stopped teaching, I became a full-time graduate student. My days and nights were filled with nonfiction. The required readings never grabbed me like a good novel, and I often lamented the lack of time to read one. I had to squeeze in novels during semester breaks as treats (I’m looking at YOU Harry Potter books).

Although adult fiction is sometimes hilarious, delicious or otherwise moving (32 Candles, I Wish I Had a Red Dress, The Bluest Eye, Their Eyes Were Watching God), I don’t think there’s anything quite like good children’s literature.

Earlier today I finished Make Lemonade, a poignant, free verse novel by Virginia Euwer Wolff. My work often demands I read volumes of informational text, but I’ve been determined to explore more young adult novels and children’s books. 

I’d like to read all the award-winning books from 2014 for starters, and (eventually) make my way through the Caldecott, Newbery, Coretta Scott King and Lee & Low New Voices lists.

But some great books don’t win awards, and here’s where you come in… What’s on your list of must-reads? Novels and picture books welcomed!