As a little girl, when I was about to do something fun, I wouldn’t feel any excitement. Like we’d be preparing to go to Six Flags. SIX FLAGS of all places, where the roller coasters were great and your stomach did all the flips. And I was like, cool, with the shoulder shrug and everything.
And it wouldn’t be a fake cool. I’d seriously have no emotion attached. It was an event that would take place at some point. And I was glad to go, but just slow to warm. Like the idea needed to marinate or something.
But suddenly, something would click. Usually the night before said event or even the morning of, it would finally sink in:
I’M GOING TO SIX FLAGS!!!!
And I’d be excited and smiley and all the things you often associate with excitement. And it would be just as much fun as I knew it would be, and I’d be just as overjoyed as anyone else might be.
I’ve always been that way. I can’t pull up a single memory that contradicts this. It’s like the darkness before the dawn and suddenly it’s daybreak and you can see the beautiful morning.
So we’ve been wedding planning off and on the past couple of months, and it’s been like that. It’s been cool, and some parts have been fun and others stressful, but all of them busy. And I’d see wedding this, or bridal that and it was always just words. Words talking about someone else. And because I know me (and all my close friends know me), no one bothered to ask if I was excited yet. It was simply too early.
Lately I’ve been trying on wedding gowns and some of the consultants are gushy and intrusive and I have to Heisman them: Hey, I’m not a gusher. I’m reserved. I’m not going to faint and scream and fan girl at this dress and I’d love it if you didn’t either.
But now, it’s sinking in. When I read something that says the bride or bridal, it’s referring to ME!
I’M GETING MARRIED!!!!
I’m getting excited! And right on time, today my aunt asked, “are you getting excited yet?” And I had to giggle because now I can say YES!
Now if only I could say yes to the dress…
*like*