faith – cocostudio

October 22, 2015

Getting Free

It’s such an amazing feeling – freedom. Freedom from my own thoughts of limitation. Freedom from an old path. Freedom from what no longer serves me.

I’ve felt this freedom in recent days, swelling in a joyful crescendo this evening. To celebrate and reaffirm my recent decisions, I started tossing and recycling items long outdated. Tomorrow I get to cart them away.

There’s new space in my garage where anchors used to be. There’s new energy and mental clarity where there was once clutter and dread. It’s wonderful.

Even an individual at cross purposes with himself is certain to end in failure. Yet a hundred or even a thousand people can definitely attain their goal, if they are of one mind. ~Nichiren

Although many quote this passage from Many in Body, One in Mind to highlight the second half, I reference it most often for the first. More than once, I’ve found myself wavering about a decision. I have clear thoughts about where I want to go, but take steps at cross purposes with my own desires. It’s like stepping on the gas and the brake the at same time. You don’t go anywhere, and if you do, it’s a jerky, unpleasant experience.

It’s liberating to choose life over fear. Now it’s time to be who I’ve always said I wanted to be…

September 13, 2013

When in doubt…

In 2010, I wrote a long letter of encouragement to a friend in faith who was mired in self-doubt at the time. I subsequently shared it with a mutual friend Tia, who graciously reminded me of it today. Perhaps I’ll do some revising and share it more fully. For now, here are a few excerpts:

With regards to cause and effect, you must remember that every single thought, word and action is a cause. All the minutes and seconds you spend in worry and doubt are causes for failure. Every single moment. Whatever is in your heart becomes your prayer and that is what becomes manifest. You must guard your heart and really challenge yourself to stop that negative thinking when it appears. It’s going to appear (you’re human), but how you react when it appears is a function of your faith…

How difficult you find something to be is always in direct proportion to your capacity to respond to it – or in proportion to your thoughts about your ability. So basically, we only think things are hard if we don’t think we are strong enough or smart enough or good enough to tackle them.

No matter what is going on, it always goes back to the fundamental darkness that we are not worthy, or smart enough or good enough. But the truth is, you have everything you need in order to be successful. Your challenge is simply to make use of the tools in your environment.

In love,

Nicole, the LadyBuddha

December 31, 2012May 22, 2019

In case you missed it…

2010 marked the end of graduate school, and the end of writing by committee for a while. In 2011, I planned to write for self. And I did. Sort of. But not as much as I envisioned.

In 2012, I wrote more often than years past. And I wrote about things that were intellectually and/or emotionally fulfilling. This was especially true in August, when I participated in Tayari’s WriteLikeCrazy and Aliya’s 30 in 30 (30 blogs in 30 days) challenge. As a category, my 30-in-30 posts were the most rewarding to write and many of them ranked among the highest views for the year.

Creating time to write, and mustering courage to share my writing were two challenges I battled for nearly every post this year. But I did create the time. And I did share. And so did you…

Thanks so much for reading and sharing my rants, confessions, mini essays, declarations and lessons this year. Here are the ones that seemed to resonate most:

At the very end of 2011, I realized I needed to exercise more. This post, on listening to your body and getting it moving again, inspired a few of you to start building your temple this year.
The difficulty of sustaining faith during challenging times was something I thought and wrote about quite a bit. I also wrote about the dangers of lamenting too much, and the importance of being gentle with ourselves.
When we are not gentle with ourselves, we risk sabotaging our own efforts at change. I encouraged you to cultivate inner discipline through small steps and praise instead.
Despite all of my writing about perseverance this year, guess who almost gave up anyway?
And the most popular post of 2012, was the one that broke your hearts. It was the story of my college sweetheart and something being amiss.

2012 was a great journey, with milestones on many fronts. I hope to write my way through more of them in 2013, and share them with all of you.

In love,

Nicole, the LadyBuddha

April 1, 2010February 8, 2019

Saying No to Say Yes

I don’t know what the future holds.

This is an amazing realization for someone who prides herself on being a planner. I remember being in my room, the summer before my freshman year in high school, with the brochure of graduation requirements. As a “rising” 9th grader, I plotted out all the courses I would take and when (including summer school to possibly get done early). I stuck pretty closely to that plan and graduated in the top 5 of 360 people.

Still mad about that C in Clothing, but what can you do?

Without going into my whole academic career and life events since then, let’s just say I like to know what’s next. Which brings us to where we are now, in this amazing and scary place.

I was offered a job this week. One that would have me working at the ground level while an internationally respected organization builds a new organization in my current city of residence. I would be one of the first to work in this new division. I would have lots of responsibility working with teachers across multiple sites. I would continue working with a team of smart people, as a member of a partnership of well respected scholars. I would have mad cred.

But I don’t want the job. Or rather, this is not the job for me.

Right after the meeting to discuss it, I walked to my car feeling sad. Spirit communicates through my feelings and this sadness is as clear as it gets. Don’t get me wrong…Ego is excited, yelling Don’t! Skip! This! Opportunity!

Spirit is sad and whispers, just say no.

The problem? There’s nothing waiting on me. There’s no “other option on the table.” And in fact, I wasn’t job hunting at all. I still have a few months to go before I am ready for that. It’s easy to be excited and jump at every opportunity that falls into my lap. But something tells me if I have the courage to follow my heart rather than my ego, I will discover the divine perfect place for me.

This ain’t it.

It’s scary, moving forward with no plan, no clear next step. But I honestly feel as if this isn’t really a no. It’s a yes to my ultimate Truth.